On plants and healing.

Haycinth smells like tears to me.
The kind of tears that symbolize the realization that something hurts and that it can be named and therefore it can be healed.
But that healing sometimes requires cutting or changing a pattern or running.
Healing is rarely easy.

When I was 17, I encountered seasonal depression for the first time in my life. My boyfriend at the time did some mean things (as 17 year old boys are prone to do,) and I just went crazy for a while. My brain was telling me awful things, things like I wasn't good enough, no one liked me, everything was dark. The first time I was SAD, I did shameful things to try to make the emotional pain go away. I cut the insides of my thys with broken glass, so no one would see, I walled myself off, and I cried in public for no reason.

Sometime in March of that year, I found an album that for some reason entranced me. I don't know why, but the music along with some friends led me back into the world of sane people. In the middle ages, they believed that certain chords could turn people to the devil. This sediment was repeated with the fear of Jazz, Rock and Roll and Marylin Manson. I don't know if this is true, but I do know that music can heal. This is why I teach it. I have been forgetting lately, but this is why.

It has been over 10 years, and each winter depression/anxiety comes back, at some time, in some way. Some years are worse than others, and as I sat at the Dim Sum table and cried in front of 12 of my closest friends... because my husband ordered chicken feet, I realized that I have stepped away from the world of rational people. My self imposed tigers are coming for me to rip apart my sanity and self worth.

The bright spot is that once you name them, you can beat them back. They don't like the light, so once spring comes, they rarely make an appearance. I will chase them away. I'm going to a yoga class this afternoon. I'll make an appointment with a counselor tomorrow. Work can't continue to come first. And I will not pass up an opportunity to surround myself with flowers and friends. Daffodils should begin blooming with out being forced sometime in the next 2 weeks. I don't remember where I buried them last year, so I will be watching.

And I'm looking for a new album. It has to be highly melodic. I'm looking for upbeat tempos but with words that express anger, shame, sorrow, and above all hope.

I need an album I can relate to. An album that reminds me that I am not alone in this darkness we call winter. An album that promises that the first flowers of spring will bloom for real soon.

Blessed Be,
Michelle

Cotyledons! Look Cotyledons!!

My lavenders have sprouted! Well some of them have anyway and I have to say that I am a proud planter. So here is the scoop:

The Fernleaf lavender have 2 really healthy cotyledons and are about an inch tall.
The Pink lavender are tiny, and their cotyledons aren't open yet.
The Ice and Mundstead lavender both look like they might like to sprout, but are really too tiny to tell.
and the Hidcote give nothin. No indication of life, no rumblings yet, nothing.

So, when the plant comes to life from seed, the first set of leaves are called cotyledons. These are not what the plant will look like at all. They are the leaves that lived in the seed and will feed it while it is growing. They are kind of like baby teeth in that they will fall off when the plant no longer needs them. They say that when you are putting the plants into bigger pots, always hold onto these leaves because if you crush them, the world won't end for the plant. If you crush it's stem the plant will probably die, which really would be tragic.

Baby Lavenders!!

My husband loves lavender. His mother went on a aromatherapy kick when he was a child, and used lavender to help him calm anxiety. 20 years later, and we have a purple bedroom for that reason.

I like lavender too, but I have always hesitated to grow it because it is a perinnel, it tends to be a more expensive plant, and I haven't had too much success growing it in pots... probably because I am just not so patient.

But now, we have a house, and it is time.

It is my understanding that lavender is difficult to grow from seed, but I am determined. On Saturday, my seeds came in the mail along with my very own "pot maker."

I learned about potmakers at a tilth class I took last year. You take paper (recycle of course!) and use the contraption to make tiny pots for plant starts.

Here was my plan: Begin with 5 different types of lavender.

Ice lavender (the flowers are white) www.reneesgarden.com/
Munstead www.superseeds.com
Hidote www.superseeds.com
fern leaf (Renee's garden) www.reneesgarden.com
Pink perfume (really? pink lavender... so cool!) www.superseeds.com

I turned on Grey's Anatomy, recycled some old calendars and turned them into pots. This took a while, but I really enjoy the work. One of the cool things is that you can write the plant right on the pot. If you are like me, you never really remember what you planted where, and I find myself saying... well this could be broccoli... or cauliflower... hmm... I hope this solves the problem.

Next, I mixed my seed starting mix with water. If you skip this step, the mix will never work right. The water just won't soak in sadly.

Finally, I planted my seeds in the paper pots.

So, here is something I learned last year in my seed starting class. In Seattle, you could plant your plants in a glass room and not have enough light to make them start because our days are too short untill after the equinox (March 21) So to begin most plants this far north, you really need grow lights. I have also heard that lavender needs light to start.

Here is the thing. Grow lights are really expensive! BUT did you know that you can use cheap flourescent lights that you can buy from the hardware store? Each one is like $8-10.

You really need to hang your lights as close to the plants as possible, ( Like an inch or 2 away)
I made a special greenhouse by cutting a slit in the top of a rubber maid container, and hanging my lights in there. The result is kind of neat and glowy!

So, now I wait. Apparently lavendar can take between 10-28 days to germinate, so I will keep you posted! Perhaps one of my plants will end up in your garden.

Blessed Be,
Michelle

New year, new house, lots to do!

Well, we bought a beautiful house in South Seattle. It was a short sale so it had been neglected for quite some time. I think we can make it beautiful.